Actually hovering is something like hangover after drinking so much.
You don't know what should you do! You can't see clearly and you don't able to decide, just put all the things for the other day, and the next day you will put it for the other day again, again and again...
I feel crazy these days. I feel like... like... I'm hovering between this world and the other world!!! I don't live in reality, I live in bottom of the ocean. Just God can help me if he does!

I'm very happy just now, you know why?! because I don't have anything to loose.
some minutes ago, I lost my everything, my memories.......

Yesterday taught me 2 things: 1. How lucky I am and god doesn't forget me. 2. Humanity still exists.
I forgot my wallet in taxi with a lot money in it and all of my identity cards and other important things.
The driver searched for me in all possible places and finally had called to my university, gave them his number and name, and told them Shadi Davarzani's wallet is with me.
They called me to my cell-phone and gave me his number, and he came too along way to give me back my wallet...!
oh I was completely disappointed to find it!
However he could made another decision but he didn't!
I never thought humanity exists in the world now! but i changed my mind.

It is the first week of spring here. I had very different adventures during this week. I don't know they're good or bad, but the fact is I've learned somethings by they!
I'm in the home again, mentally alone but not physically. I don't want to be alone but it's better for me, for my future.
I'm happy now, not completely, better to say so so, and the reason is I hope something good would happen in future. I'm sad now because my life is going to be different in some months later!
I can't stand being alone physically, but this is a fact!
The life taught me not to trust on no one, even my relatives.
Oh my god.... my aunt... I can't believe it, can I?!
I want to speak with someone, but I can't trust on no one! I can't...
I think I'm old now!

Someone played with me 2 years. In those years I really loved somebody else and then a boy comes from other side of the world and said to me: I really love you, you are my first love and I won't or I can't love nobody except you.
I refused to accept him but he was looking after me all the time and wanted me all of his instincts. He told lie... I promise.
Last wednesday he told me that all of his feeling was just because he is alone and don't have any money, and he said all of those bullshits because of his lust.
at the end he told me all of boys are base-spirited and traitor so don't trust on none of them in any time.
I feel I'm a sex product for all men, and god don't love me because god made me a girl...!
I can't trust on no one, even boy or girl. You can't imagine how terrible I feel... Let me give you an example, I afraid of being happy and jump in the air, because I'm not sure about if someone pull ground behind of my legs and suddenly I fall...!
I want to choose animals as my friends, because they are more loyal and kind than humans, aren't they!
Hey god, if you don't forget me, please look at me!
Keep me in your prays please.

I'm better today. Last night I cried for some minutes and today I feel better. No one can imagine how terrible I felt last night.
Well, I have some reasons for my feelings but the fact is it's about some months that I don't know why I'm sad. I have a package of bad feelings. The most important reason is, I feel the love of no one is true, everyone are looking for a chance to betray each other. I thought someone told me lie for 2 years, or no he changed his mind. I regret myself because he wasn't the true one, I mean, he isn't romantic at all, and I felt alone when I saw girls with their boy friend walk happily! Oh my god how stupid I am, aren't I?

Today I understood how alone I am. beside I don't know what should I do, because if I try hard for something, at the end I face to a problem, and if I don't try to do anything, I  have nothing.
No organization have not any coordinate with each other it caused really serious problems! I actually didn't made any problems, but because of the lawlessness, it makes me some many disasters. no one can help me and I am really alone in whole of my life. I feel terrible.

I'm interested in this poem, " Hafez "
it's very nice:

In this crusade,
I’ll leap in the air, as a quill light–
burning, like a tad of molten rock,
till the spring of the sun.

In this quest,
I shall dive head first,
striding despite your slit throat–
going on bleeding, as-if a reed-pen,
till the shore-line of this yen.
Translation: Maryam Dilmaghani, Septmeber 2012, Halifax

به هواداري او ذره صفت رقصكنان
تا لب چشمهء خورشيد درخشان بروم

در ره او چو قلم گر به سرم بايد رفت
با دل زخمكش و ديدهء گريان بروم

A: Hey Shadi I have a bad news for you, very bad news.

B: what is that?

A: you are going to have an injection just tomorrow, :D hahahaha khekhekhekhe

B: :O what?! an injection?      in    jec   tion?  i   n   j  e   c ......

( Heart failure )